وَالَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
Ameen Ya Rabb!
And those who pray, "Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be a source of comfort, happiness, consolation and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous."
A Righteous Wife is foundation of righteous communities –
Ash Shaykh Saalih Al Fawzaan
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Ash Shaykh Al-Fawzaan – hafidahullah – said: “Oh mankind know that righteous communities are built on righteous families and good houses; good houses are based upon the righteous wife, due to this it is obligatory for the Muslim that he chooses a righteous wife. (فَالصَّالِحَاتُ قَانِتَاتٌ حَافِظَاتٌ لِلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ اللَّهُ)، Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard (Soorah An-Nisaa’ Verse 34) Therefore the Muslim chooses the righteous wife for she is the foundation of the house and she is the cultivator for the offspring and she guards her offspring and husband. (فَالصَّالِحَاتُ قَانِتَاتٌ) i.e. she is obedient to Allah (حَافِظَاتٌ لِلْغَيْبِ) : When her husband is away she preserves herself (chastity), his property and his children until he returns. A dua of the slaves of Ar-Rahmaan (as mentioned in soorah Al Furqaan) (رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ) And those who say: “Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, (Soorah Al-Furqaan Verse 74) So they began their supplication with the wives (i.e. due to the importance of having righteous wives)”
What Is The Halaal Household? What does the home represent to the Muslim family?
It Is a place where family members can relate to one another and where they sincerely enjoy being together; where they have a sense of shared beliefs and values. A place where the children learn, their behavior should be based on Islamic principles. A place where family members are protected, happy and kind to one another. The home should not be just a place where people eat, rest and sleep. It is the place where husbands and wives find comfort in each other. The home is a place where families should worship together, and it should be based on Allah’s (SWT) rules and guidance.
It has been reported by Ibn Abi Aldunia and others (Sahih al-Jaami) that, “When Allah loves the people of a household, he introduces kindness among them.”
In Sura’tul Al Nahl (Surah 16) in the Qur’an, Allah (SWT) says, “And Allah has made for you in your homes an abode.”
The Prophet (peace & blessings be upon him) said:
"All of you are shepherds, and each one is responsible for his flock. A leader of people is a shepherd and responsible for them. A man is like a shepherd over his family, and he is responsible for his flock. A woman is like a shepherd over her husband’s house and children, and she is responsible for them. And a slave is a guardian of his master’s property and is responsible for it. So all of you are guardians and are responsible for your charges."(Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
Prior Preparation Prevents Poor Parenting!
I Pray My Children Will Listen
I discovered that my most intense concern as a mother for my children aside from, my concerns for their physical safety, is my concern for their spiritual condition. We fear our children will turn their backs on their faith and all they were taught and needlessly stumble through life. I have seen this time and time again in families. This worry is not only fearful, but it can make us feel so helpless. I've asked several of mothers to share with me their secret to maintaining hope for children whom seem to have lost their way, even if the situation looks hopeless. Their answer is always the same; their reliance on Allah, not their child, and Allah's ability to turn that child's heart back. Our children will hear our voices in their heads, reminding them of what is right. Children will also hear their friends' and peers' voices, and the voice of the Shayateen seeking to lead them astray. We want Allah's voice – to be louder than any other voice. There may come a time when your words will fall on deaf ears. Pray for wisdom so you know when to speak, and what to speak, when to be silent and when to listen. Pray that you will be the kind of parent who will always warmly welcome your child back into your arms and into your home, with forgiveness and love. There may come a time we must surrender our children to Allah through prayer, when we don't know how to get through to them. While they are still young be proactive within your households. Teach them to stand firm on Islam and hold fast to the rope of Allah. If the day should ever come that they can no longer hear our voices, May the foundation of faith taught in our households open their hearts and ears to be guided back to Allah.
Modeling Positive Behavior
Be The Best Example For Your Children!
Five Essential Concepts
5 areas of our children's lives we should not compromise on no matter what!
1. Their Spiritual Enrichment: Faith can determine our children's outlook on life and make life meaningful to them. God willing, faith will govern our children and lead them into a harmonious system of living.
2. Their Education: This includes an overall development of our children, knowledge will challenge them to be critical thinkers, keep them safe, promote leadership & success.
3. Their Food: What you eat can be a medicine or a disease! It has taken me years to learn this simple concept. While I am teaching my children, I am also learning how nutrition plays an integral role in not only our health but our behaviors & lifestyle.
4. Their Environment: Influence & pollution are everywhere! You want to save your children; then protect them from environments that can physically, mentally, spiritually & financially destroy them.
5.Their Etiquette: Moral conduct is everything! When etiquette becomes innate it will help to polish your child's behavior, actions, personality and attitude towards various aspects of life.
Work As a Team
Being part of a family that lives under one roof means that you are automatically part of a team, and being able to work as a team can only benefit children in later life. Teamwork involves listening to others, depending on others, delegating, working together, helping out others who struggle (i.e younger siblings), and a whole variety of other related skills. When a family is doing chores or working on a project etc and they refer to themselves as a team. It suddenly brings everyone, so children want to be a part of that team and help as they feel ownership and responsibility.
Lead With Your Actions
Kids are always watching what you do. They see how you handle stress. They watch how you treat other people. They look at how you deal with your feelings. They're very observant and they soak in all that information like little sponges. One of the eight most important parenting skills is providing your children with a positive example.
Modeling appropriate behavior is an important part of discipline. If you act in a way that you want your kids to act, they'll learn just from watching you. That isn't to say they'll automatically start behaving the same way, but they'll be better equipped to manage their behaviors.
It's really hard to model appropriate behavior for your kids all the time. However, you have opportunities every day to provide your kids with learning experiences so they can see how to behave appropriately.
Show your kids how to follow your household rules. Use discipline that teaches life skills and explain how the rules will help them later in life. If you show kids that you value the household rules, it will increase the effectiveness of your discipline strategies.
Live according to your values! One of the four biggest discipline mistakes parents make is not looking at the long-term impact of discipline strategies. When it comes to modeling appropriate behavior, it's important to instill values in your kids that will help them to become healthy, responsible adults. The best way to teach them values is to model them.
Budget Your Money
Make the family's dollar go further
Budget money in advance for family and personal expenses. Budgeting is simply making a plan first, before spending your money. This is what holds you accountable and sets limits for your spending.
A budget also helps you to plan needs ahead so you can save up for specific purchases.
The Way It’s Meant to Be
Standard of Living
How do you define your standard of living and family values in your home?
Seriously these are essentially the most important questions. The answers to these questions should be thought about way before the decision to start a family is made. A potential husband and wife should be asking each other these questions while courting and deciding whether or not their answers are compatible and comparable...
Today you find families who are divided because these essential questions were never asked and/or answered:
How do we want to live as a family?
How do we want to worship as a family?
How do we want to rear our children?
How will we govern our household?
What will be our goals in this life?
What goals will we be striving to achieve for the next life or afterlife?
What living, working, learning & social environments will be conducive for achieving our family goals?
In your home the standard of living and family values act as bylaws for your household and everyone agrees to live by and stay true to them. Every family is different and therefore will have different levels of importance placed on different family issues...
Family Values the moral and ethical principles; religiously, culturally and traditionally upheld and transmitted within a family, as honesty, loyalty, industry, and faith.
Standard of living refers to the level of wealth, education, comfort, material goods and necessities available, as well as social and economic statuses.
I've had a few failed attempts at establishing a halaal household infused with attainable standards, values and goals and I truly feel this was the direct result of not seeking to answer the questions above or not being committed to myself and my values when these answers came up short. Having strong well defined family values helps solidify the foundation for a strong and steadfast Islaamic household. When cultivated long enough these bylaws act as preventative measures for misconduct, neglect, confusion and conflict.
Strong and consistent family values are also important for building trust and confidence in each family member.
Here are my top essential family values.
And We sent not before you any messenger except that We revealed to him that, "There is no deity except Me,(Allah) so worship Me, (Alone)."
2. Quran & Sunnah will Govern our household.
O you who have believed, obey Allah and obey the Messenger and those in authority among you. And if you disagree over anything, refer it to Allah and the Messenger, if you should believe in Allah and the Last Day. That is the best [way] and best in result. 4:59
3. Integrity/Dignity. May be difficult to define but extremely important to me. This makes number 3 on my list because I believe it sums up so much. Without it many actions would be done carelessly or not at all. This quality also requires one to have firm faith and stand up for they believe in.
4. Respect. For my family, to respect each other is to take feelings, thoughts, needs, and preferences in to account when making decisions. It also means acknowledging and valuing everyone’s thoughts, feelings and contributions to the family as a whole.Respect is indeed earned and there is a very fine line between it and fear. The only way to earn and keep someone’s respect is to first show them respect yourself. Respect as an important family value will extend out of the home and into school, work or other social settings.
5. Honesty. This is the foundation of any relationships that are meant to last. Mother-daughter, husband-wife, sister-brother. Without honesty a deeper connection will not form and certainly won’t last. Encourage honesty all the time and have consequences for lying. You can not properly care for, defend and protect your family members if they are dishonest...
6. Forgiveness. Forgiving people who have wronged you is an important choice to make. Holding on to anger or keeping a grudge, is not conducive to a close family with mutual respect.Keep in mind that everyone makes mistakes, We all occasionally say things we wish we hadn't or do things that are not correct. Get issues out in the open, gain some understanding and move on. Life is too short.
7. Generosity. Through generosity we build empathy since we tend to think more about what people need. Being generous includes giving your money, time, love, attention or even some of your possessions.
8. Critical Thinking. I can not stress this enough. When you think critically, you ultimately make better decisions. Critical thinking allows you to make rational and educated decisions that are not based off of emotions, but instead off of observations and information. I want my children to be free open minded intellectual thinkers.
9. Communication. Communication is as much an art as it is a science. A failure to communicate will likely lead to unhappiness and misunderstandings. Small issues grow into larger ones and when they eventually boil to the surface it’s unlikely they will be resolved calmly. Communication is a lot more than simply speaking your mind. In addition to spoken words, communication also extends to tone, volume, expression, eye contact, body language and effective listening.
I would argue that this is the most important value for families to have. When people feel they can talk openly about anything – hopes, dreams, fears, successes or failures – all without judgment, it’s encouraging and strengthens the bond.
10. Responsibility. Responsibility is something that is learned. As a child you may have been shown how to put your toys away after playing, and clean your room or how and when to feed the pet. This sense of responsibility extends well into adulthood. An adult who has a good sense of responsibility doesn't require a lot of prompts to show up to work on time, return phone calls or meet deadlines. Setting out individual responsibilities for family members works to instill this quality in everyone.
11. Good Work Ethics. People who possess a strong work ethic embody certain principles that guide their work behavior, leading them to produce high-quality work consistently. Good work ethics ultimately help to secure means beneficial means for the family. This value appropriately follows responsibility, because having responsibility will teach good work ethics. It is paramount for fathers to teach their sons goo work ethics. They will have to provide for their families in the future.
I almost always want to list Good Character, however, I feel if you are practicing all the values/beliefs above then good character would naturally exist.
It All Starts With You!
Nurturing your needs and your life first is one of the healthiest ways of laying a solid foundation for your journey, as well as silently setting an example for the people around you to do the same. When you begin to question the things in your life that cause you stress and frustration and allow yourself to explore your authenticity and passions — and learn how to express yourself peacefully & productively — your life will never be the same and neither will be your household! It all starts with you! Save yourself... Save your family...